Finish Your Beer-There’s Sober Kids in India

image from gaijintonic.com

“Child Beer”…grab me a cold one…

mmm…fermented child…oh wait that’s child BEAR…oh wait that’s kind of gross…is this like fermented placenta? anyways…

image from indiamike.com

Tis the Season to get Wasted… Sanjay Dutt, Saaki Saaki, Musafir… (hic)

Tis the Season to get Wasted…tra la la la la la la la la
Pour a drink you haven’t tasted….tra la la la la la la la
Old Monk Rum, Bacardi, Brandy… tra la la la la la la
grab whichever bottle’s handy….tra la la la la la la la la

This original composition is coming to you direct from your very own yuletide alcoholic ROTD with compliments from the cyber bar. (a note on interpreting this classic work: the song improves vastly when you sing it after five or six drinks)

and on the subject of sharabis….

Here’s Sanjay Dutt singing “saaki saaki” from Musafir…

for all you drunkards out there: much love! Oh Sharabi! Kya Sharabi!

Cannibal Goats and Drunken Rats

So get this: There’s this goat named Mantu who ISN’T being eaten because he eats other goats. Plus he’s going to get a cannibal goat bride. Only in India.

image from thundercats

Goats are generally vegetarian. They eat grass, fruit and vegetables but have you ever heard of a goat who eats meat and drinks liquor!!! Yes, here is a goat named ” Mantu”,who is fond of all these stuff. There is a goat at the “Sana Bada Dhaba”, a roadside eatery, 350 kms from the state capital Bhubaneswar in Orissa state of India, who’s staple diet is cooked meat of other goats & this goat drinks liquor too.’The animal has been living in the dhaba since its birth and slowly developed the habit of eating non-vegetarian food,’ as per the dhaba owner Sana Naik.

Mantu does not like grass – the staple diet of other goats. ‘The goat eats the cooked meat of other goats that we serve to customers,’ he said. ‘Because of its peculiar habits, we are not killing it.’

The goat also drinks liquor. It obeys commands like monkeys.’If you ask it to perform a death scene, it will lie on the ground as if dead. You ask it to show a fight scene, it will demonstrate like a warrior,’ he said.As per the dhaba owner Naik. ‘I love the goat so much. It is like my own child. I am looking for a female goat as its bride,’ Naik said. ‘I am planning to organise the marriage in a big way, may be next August.

‘I will also host a grand feast. My customers, who include ministers, legislators, officials, businessmen and journalists, have assured me that they will join the feast and bless the goat couple.’ from weird India

from webshots

Rodents get drunk as skunks off seized liquor

Posted Thu Jun 21, 2007 10:25pm AEST

Authorities in India say rats are gnawing at beer cans and making holes in caps of whisky bottles stored in police storehouses in the east of the country and apparently getting drunk.

Kundan Krishnan, a senior officer says the rodents’ love for liquor has the police department in Bihar state stumped as it tries to store hundreds of bottles seized from illegal sellers from across the state in Patna, the state capital.

“We are fed up with these drunk rats and cannot explain why they have suddenly turned to consumption of alcohol,” he said.

The problem costs revenue as the seized liquor is usually sold through auctions, he said.

Rats were also attacking people near the police buildings, nibbling at their toes, although it was not clear if they were under the influence, officials and witnesses said. from abc

Amitabh Bachan sings “Kaike paan Banaras Wala” from Don 1978

Thought it would be an opportune moment to play a song in praise of tasty Paan…here’s the classic song where Amitabh Bachan gets high on bhang lassi and eats some Banarasi Paan that inspires him to break into a song about it…

WE are the BHAIs…Bollywood Gangsters getting Hotter…

image from ourbollywood

I just saw “Shootout in Lokhandwala” and the action scenes are getting more and more akin to Guy Richie gangster flicks and full of violent stunt scenes that impress and raise the bar….there were….gun fights, exploding gas cylinder tanks, fist fights with a light bulb, a tv set crashing down screen-first over someone’s head and a squashed head over the side of the pavement borrowed from American History X. And it seems like directors are leaning more towards using heavy metal riffs and rock ballads (such as in Life in a Metro 2007) as a musical score than the more passé quivering violins .

But more importantly…have you noticed that Desi Gangsters are getting hotter? A new wave of Gangster films has been sweeping the Indian film industry and they seem to be getting slicker each time. Ram Gopal Varma’s “Sarkar” 2005 was inspired by The Godfather and had that sweeping operatic feel to it but…and King Khan’s remake of Amitabh’s “Don” 2006 produced a slicker, more metropolitan kind of mob boss….but I still like my gangsters old school… And yeah…its seems like “cool” is getting formally redefined into a more seedy, red light district, local vernacular…

ok so we know all the actors are rich boys trying on a mirch masala Lokhandwala bad boy act…but what I like about it is its brand of gangster without the Hiphop dance moves and gear that many mainstream Bollywood dance sequences tend to incorporate…don’t get me wrong…that NRI style of bhangra fusion is hot…but then here’s a more home grown, gritty alternative…without all the metropolitan finesse…which is sort of filthy and cute at the same time. That’s one woman’s opinion, anyway.

So check it out…the new music vid. from Shootout at Lokhandwala 2007

“…In the Mumbai…all over India…We are the Bhais…we are the Bhais (shake your ass shake your ass shake your ass)”

Notice that all good Ganster tunes are sung/danced while completely trashed?

Saif Ali Khan gets it perfectly in Omkara…with Vivek Oberoi and Bipasha in Beedie…(good to see Vivek is getting a bit tougher after Aishwarya’s wedding…I was a bit worried for the kid) Of course Sanjay Dutt and Arshad Warsi are killer as Munna Bhai and Circuit…but they play bad boys with hearts of gold where as films like Shootout at Lokhandwala, Omkara, Sarkar, etc. are just bad…bad to the bone…and did I mention cute?

Here’s Beedi …the lyrics are pretty raunchy…here they are:

No cover…No blanket…And this cold wind is also against me, oh fair one
It’s so cold, take someone’s blanket
Go take some fire from your neighbor’s stove
Light your beedi from my heart as there is a firing raging within

Don’t let smoke slip from your lips, my love
because this world is such a heap already

without any fault without any proof
Not commiting any crime, I got sentenced to death
On one such a day, do call me in the afternoon
Order me to court, tying me up with anklebells
Do call me in the afternoon and take me to court
Light your stove from my chest…
not even the edge of a knife
Even the dagger is matchless
She bit me in such a way, leaving marks behind
that any farmer will stop cutting his crops

oh, would you pair up with a crude like me
Oh billo, would you settle down with a crude
without telling, without calling me
he woke me up from my sleep
Suddenly my destiny came into my blanket
and while feeding me cardamoms, he kept coming closer…

lit your coal from my chest…

translation from bolly-what

BEEDI JALAYE LE – from Omkara 2006

The Gansters in Satya 1998 aren’t exactly…cute…but they are convincing…check out that classic drunken “kallu Mama” tune… here and another drunken Gangster song Saaki Saaki…..from Musafir 2004 with Sanjay Dutt here flicking his blade near writhing nymphets

Anyway, I’m working on my gangster sneer. I can’t wear my shirts unbuttoned down to my naval (or I won’t anyway)…but I’m working on my truck driver Hindi drawl…

Strange Desi News: GROOM GETS DRUNK. BRIDE SWAPS HIM FOR SOBER BRO.

Mon Apr 30, 2007

PATNA, India (Reuters) – Villagers at a wedding in eastern India decided the groom had arrived too drunk to get married, and so the bride married the groom’s more sober brother instead, police said on Monday.

“The groom was drunk and had reportedly misbehaved with guests when the bride’s family and local villagers chased him away,” Madho Singh, a senior police officer told Reuters after Sunday’s marriage in a village in Bihar state’s Arwal district.

The younger brother readily agreed to take the groom’s place beside the teenage bride at her family’s invitation, witnesses said.

“The groom apologised for his behaviour, but has been crying that word will spread and he will never get a bride again,” Singh said by phone.

text and image from tangotogether.com

TALES OF THE WASTED DESI…

WASTED: Tales of the wasted desi…

In Cambridge some friends and I invented a new cocktail in our House bar (basically poured vodka, whisky, gin, rum, wine, coke, orange juice, beer, and other flavoured liquers into a toxic brew) and after drinking several pints worth of this strange liquor spent the evening pushing one another up and down the cobbled streets in shopping trolleys having a “serious” discussion about sending Stephen Hawking on motor-bike tour of Afghanistan. That was the night I understood why the British say they are “Trolleyed” when they get smashed.

Trolleyed NRI

CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG (The Notorious GURSH of youtube drinks like only a Punjabi Munda can…)

When I was studying in London me and my girlfriend got a hold of a bottle of absynthe which we thought was going to be just like drinking the stuff Toulouse Lautrec used to drink while hallucinating about green fairies and can can dancers. But this was the legal commercial stuff that doesn’t have wormwood in it and is basically just green 90 percent lethal alcohol. We drank the whole bottle between the two of us within an hour and ended up puking throughout the night. No Green Fairy. Just green vomit.

By Green Fairy

TEENAGE DESI DRINKS AND BECOMES DINOSAUR:

On Holi we were preparing some bhang lassi for a big family party at home and the really concentrated bhang (basically cooked and coagulated marijuana) was strained out of the milk and tossed on the floor. Our pet pug “Moti” ate it and began to trip out and hallucinate. He lost the ability to use his back legs or to walk in a straight line and so he was covered in bright pink holi colour and stuck in some sort of doggy psychedelic nightmare! The poor thing had to be carried around for two days and force fed water and food. Unfortunately the bhang lassi only had any effect on the dog!

By Bhang Lassi

WHEN DESIS GET DRUNK AND FALL IN LOVE WITH PLASTIC INFLATABLE COWS:

When I first tripped I hallucinated a lot. I was sixteen years old and we were at some Goa Gil party in Delhi and after that we’d gone to a friend’s farmhouse. And the party was shut down by the cops so the music was shut down right around the time I was peaking so I was really fried. Then we went to another farmhouse and all I could see was the grass growing and growing and growing… so I was tripping on that for three hours. I thought I had lost it and I was going to stay like that forever.

By Garden Grower

SEND US YOUR WASTED DESI CLIPS AND CONFESSIONS TO remainsofthedesi at gmail dot com

DELHI UNIVERSITY TYPES and THEIR SLANG

Things have changed a bit since I was slacking off with friends around Delhi University Campus but a few things remain the same; they still serve bun/unda in the canteen, someone always tries to bum a cigarette, and people spend most of the time thinking up new words to abuse one another. Some of these words I hadn’t heard of before, though, so I thought I’d put some new and familiar terms up, in case you are a premature old foggy like me who needs a little update in the trendy vernacular of Delhi college types.

Apparently cliques have metastasized into little subcultures which fall mostly into the following categories; upwardly mobile yuppie puppies (the real go-getters), old school hippie rockers (Hendrix junkies who spend hours trying to invent vegetable bongs), Psi-heads (hippies that have evolved into ravers and are into psychedelics full on trance with all the hallucinogenic chemical accoutrements), and then the rest of the university oddballs; nerds, theatre-types, activists, and so on…but everyone uses the same slang, more or less…and these words are inherited from a mix of Dosco’s (Doon School Boys), Valley Girl Movies (like Mean Girls, Clueless and Buffy the Vampire Slayer), and international druggie culture in general. Anyway, read on, go on and be a “lend” and borrow some words.

Bajaod: To get totally stoned on pot, or yelled at by an authority figure. “That maal was too strong, man, I got totally Bajaod.” Or “My grandmom found my packet of ciggies and I got totally bajaod!”

Balls: Bullshit. “yeah yeah. Balls! I’m sure the cat ate all the hash as well you kunjoos bastard.”

Bi-aaatch: Californianized pronunciation of “bitch” as in “What a bi-aaaatch.”

Boner: a horny guy who is always trying to seduce the ladies. A player. “Watch out, that guy is a walking boner!”

Boom Shankar: An exclamation that is made before smoking a chillum in reverence to Shiva, the god who smokes hash and for whom hash is darshan…an offering to the gods of which you yourself partake as a sacred sacrament

Boom: an expression of respect used as a greeting and a goodbye only with fellow smokers of pot/hashish. “Hey Bro..Boom…what’s happening?”

Bra/Bro: Brother. “yeah, bro…see you later.”

Chit: Exhausted. Dead tired. “I’m totally chit.”

Choo: a Chillum. “Pack the choo? Its Italian.”

Charsi: someone who smokes a lot of pot or hash. “she’s a total charsi. Smokes before class even.”

Choot: Bastard. “He’s a bloody choot. Salle…..madher chod…”

Ciggie: A cigarette. “Can I bum a ciggie?”

Copped it: to die. “Too much booze. No air. No water. He copped it, na?”

Crazaeeee: Incredible, amazing, cool. “crazy” said with a long “a” and “eee” at the end. “That’s crazaeeeee. I can’t believe he said that to you.”

Cut Surd: A surd who had his hair cut over the course of time due to various factors including modernity and globalization, and racist pressures of the work force, particularly around 1984. “He’s a cut surd. Can’t you see the khalsa tattoo?”

Decent: ok. Reasonable. Good. “How did you do on your exams?………..Decent.”

Ditch: to bail out. To not meet someone or join in a project you said you would. “What the hell, man! Where is she?…..I think you got ditched.”

Dude: I think this was popularized after the Hollywood film “Dude Where’s my Car?” and “American Pie.” Basically it seems to have evolved to substitute “man” so instead of “yeah man….oh maaan….whatever man…” its “yeah dude….duuuuude….and whatever dude…”…..etc.

image from http://febrero.extremevideostore.com
and from itre.cis.upenn.edu

Foolish: silly. Stupid. term of endearment used to chastise. “You Foolish! The dog licked that spoon before you used it!”

Fried: To be totally stoned, or spaced out, sometimes to do with hallucinogenic drugs and sometimes to do with excessive late night studying or cyber addiction. “I’m fried.”

Frieumzzzzz: Incohate expression used to expressive incohesiveness while stoned or otherwise chemically unbalanced…. “heh heh….Frieumzzzzzzzzzzz….pass the bong.”

For Sure: I agree. “We should meet up later….yeah. For sure.”

Fuck Buddies: couple that sleeps together. “for sure. They’re fuck buddies.”

Fuggered: Buggered. Screwed. “He got totally fuggered by the dean.”

Fuggly: Ugly. “Dumn fuggly slut.”

Full Power: exclamation that is made when either extremely stoned, tripping, listening to trance, or all of the above. “Fullpower!”

Gandu: Arsehole. “heh heh. Gandu.”

Going out: dating.going around together. Seeing eachother. “they’ve been going out for ages.”

Hij: (rhymes with ridge) An abbreviation for the word “Hijra” (transvestite eunuchs who sing and dance). If you are clapping your hands too loudly or behaving in an over the top manner then “Stop acting like such a hij” Personally, I like hijras and all people who act like them…

image from ars-rhetorica.net

Its all good: whatever. It doesn’t matter. Never mind. Who cares. “I failed two exams but its all good. Boom shiva!”

Kanjoos: Miserly. “Sooo…..kanjoos. He wont even lend me two bloody rupees!”

Khasi: impotent. “You khasi loser. Go bother someone else!”

Killed it: finished it, had fun, partied. “We went to that rave on Saturday. Yeah. We totally killed it.”

Killer: (often pronounced as keeeler) Excellent. Rad. Awesome. “That’s killer dude.”

Lend: A poser. A wannabe. A brown-noser. An ass-licker. “Don’t be such a lend!”

Like: A Californication that you add on as much as possible wherever possible. “I was..like..so totally…like…fried…and like…he was like…totally taking my trip…and like….”

Local: mean remark that indicates someone is provincial or ignorant, often in response to an inability to pronounce an English word or say something grammatically correct. “Gawd..she’s so LOCAL.”

Loony: Crazy, Goofy. Mad. “Wheeee….I’m feeling so loony today…did you put something strange in the tea?”

Morrision: A guy who has long hair like Jim Morrison. Usually used as a cat-call. “Oye! Morrison!”

Munchies: feeling hungry. Often as a result of smoking pot. “Dude. I have the munchies.”

Na? : No one says “yaaar” anymore, yaar…But whenever you suggest or try to explain something in English you should end the sentence by adding “na?” For instance, “We should go to class, na?” and “But I don’t feel like going, na?”

Pippitypoppity: Another loopy expression to express that you are enjoying being deranged and generally drugged out. “Pippitypoppity! Pippitypoppity!”

Player: A Boner. “He’s nice but I heard he’s a player”

Pop it: To die. “you’re going to pop it if you aren’t careful.”

Psi-head: Someone who listens to psychedelic trance and does psychedelic drugs. Evolved from the word “dead-head” that denoted a hippie who listened to the Grateful Dead and also did psychedelics. “Your pupils are really dilated…oh…you must be a psi-head.”

Pussy: a wimp. “Whadda pussy…”

Rundi: Slut. Dirty bitch. “Rundi Salee…”

Sarky: Sarcastic. “no need to be sarky.”

Senti: Sentimental. “Don’t be so senti, its just a Disney Film!”

Seriously: An emphatic agreement. “That was so kunjoos! Seriously!”

Shady: Creepy. Dangerous. Unreliable. “That dealer looks damn shady.” “That meat curry looks damn shady”

Slimy or Slime: Creepy. Disgusting. “So slimy! Do you know what that guy said to me? He said he sees a little bit of himself inside of me and he wants to find out which bit! What a slime!”

Smashed: Drunk. “So take this wine and drink with me….slurp….let’s delay our misery..urp…..I am totally smashed…..lalalallaa….”

Taking (my/his/her/your) trip: giving someone a hard time. Teasing. “Arre, I’m just taking your trip, no need to get so senti!” “My gawd….the dean was totally taking my trip today…if I don’t get better attendance I’m going to get totally bajaod!”

Totally: add it on to almost every phrase to indicate someone was completely, absolutely… “totally hammered.” Or that you agree. “I think Shiney Ahuja looks like a real boner…. Yeah. Totally.”

Trippy shit: weird or unusual event, story, object. “That’s some trippy shit dude.”

Tulli: drunk. “Dekho, na? He’s totally tulli!”

Tweaked: Fried. “uh….what did you say?….I’m really…uh….tweaked…”

Vela: lazy. Doing nothing with your time. “I’m totally vela.”

What’s up Surdi?: A greeting that is generally only made between surds, kind of in the same way that “what’s up my nigga” is only said between African Americans and not by a white person unless he is a total lend. “Oye! What’s up Surdi? Chak de Phate!”

Wicked: cool. (slightly old school but still in circulation) “uncle chips…wicked! I’ve got the munchies…”

Zapped: fried. Spaced out. “I’ve been staring at a computer screen for fifteen hours. I’m totally zapped.”

image from www.salon.com