Slap that Bitch-an Indian reality tv show

courtesy of currybear and buy the classic “how can she slap?” t-shirt from currybear if you like…

Natalie Portman- the Sita Squid from the Doordharshan episode of the Ramayan that you missed- Carmensita- by Devendra Banhart

Is it offensive? Is it cute? Uh? My lofty minded cultural theory teacher once told me “if its silly its not orientalism” well that certainly “cleared things up” for me by making them less comprehensible- uh I don’t know and I don’t really care- I think people decide to be offended if its convenient for them to do so- so they have something to bitch about instead of focusing on their pointless, culturally bereft, insignificant existences- so I mean- so if it pissed you off why dont you go and make your own fucking video- as for me- I thought the guy- Devendra (Natalie’s current boytoy) was kind of hairy- I thought the makeup was nice- I thought the chic playing the slutty version of Kali at the end was not nearly a hot as I imagine kali would be in person- I thought Natalie did a really stupid imitation of indian dance- I mean even the extras were better- but I thought the beastiality with the squid was very sexy after the whole Sita sati and added just that missing trope that would have made the original Ramayana that much better. So check it out. And can someone explain the lyrics if you know spanish- cuz I don’t exactly see the relationship between the video and the music. anyway…enjoy-

Invoking the cosmic wonder of his beard and Bollywood, Devendra Banhart’s latest music video is both a love story and a tongue-in-cheek nod to India’s maharajas of yore. In “Carmensita,” the newest single from his latest album, Smokey Rolls Down Thunder Canyon, Devandra and his uber-hot (and unlikely girlfriend) Natalie Portman get down to psychedelic-indie, all while saving the Kindom of Carmensita from the clutches of Lord Rajan the Malevolent. When taunting the Prince (played by Devendra), Lord Rajan bellows, “You think you can defeat me with your rebellious beard?” Later on, Devendra kills Lord Rajan by shooting venomous snakes out of his forehead. This is arguably 2008’s most badass moment in music videos.

from zimbio.com

Random Uncleji and Auntyji vampires

no idea where this came from!

Bite me Shah Rukh Khan

heh…well, thanks rajr, this is quite the clip. Just as I was listening to love-starved office chicks groan over Shah Rukh’s golden abs in Om Shanti Om (yes they are STILL talking about it) this thing turns up… shah rukh screwing a wildabeast…I don’t know what “english pictures” she got her glaring, scratching, biting moves from, but observe shah rukh’s climactic pillow massacre………

This is an erotic scene from the rare international version of the Bollywood movie Maya Memsaab, with Shahrukh Khan and Deepa Sahi!

Vikram Aur Betaal! (retro ghost teleserial)

here’s some childhood t.v. Doordarshan nostalgia for you…personally I never watched this series but I used to read the story-book about the corpse hanging from a tree that King Vikram needs to collect for a tantric to use in his magickal workings… you need to watch the clip halfway to see the ghost flying and don’t miss the special effects skulls at the very end.

vikrambetaal.jpg

The series was about a righteous king ,Vikram who goes in search of a ghost, Betaal. Each time he succeeds in trapping him but has to listen to a story on his way back. There is also an impending condition set by Betaaal that he would accompany Vikram as long as he kept his vow of silence, never uttering a word. These were simple stories which contained a moral, and a question at the end posed by Betaal to Vikram. Betaal also warned the king that if he knew the answer and failed to answer it, he (Betal) would have his head. The cunning Betal knew that the king was too clever not to know the answer, and each time Vikram fell for the trap followed by the inevitable …tu bola aur main chala…voooooo.

from nastyworld

so here’s the intro from the t.v. serial with Satish Shah (ghost Betaal) clinging on Arun Govil’s back telling him a story and asking questions at the end and then flying away giggling…

and here’s a new cartoon version of the same…not very good but it gives you some idea of the story…altough I’d kind of like to punch the narrator…who talks about the “strong bodied and fair skinned” Vikram in one of those “for good times make it santori times” whisky commercial accents….anyway…

by the way, because of the trouble with translating Sanskrit into phoenetic english, Betaal can also be read as vetaal, or vetala. Just so as we can be clear on this species of ghost because the Baital, was a supernatural being in india that is half human and half bat, not to be confused with this species of ghost that likes to hang from trees upside down, possess corpses, and has hair like an old woman.

In India, tales of vetalas, ghoul-like beings that inhabit corpses, are found in old Sanskrit folklore. A prominent story tells of King Vikramāditya and his nightly quests to capture an elusive vetala. The vetala legends have been compiled in the book Baital Pachisi.

Happy Dancing Telegu Condoms…

sex education with a catchy tune…

Desi Aunty Pissing…and Simi Garewal still makes me want to barf…

ok. all I want to know is this…why are so many people who land on my site searching the web for “Desi Pissing Aunties”. This phrase has come up hundreds of times as the search engine terms that led people here…I suspect the “Agony Aunty” section is what lures them…

pissing-illustration.jpg
image from link

now I’m not moralizing or anything…but I don’t get the whole “pee on me” fetish…but hey…to each his or her own…and I can certainly think of a few guys who wouldn’t exactly stop Angelina Jolie from taking on a leak on them if she asked them nicely…..and I think its cute that some guys have a thing for the desperate housewife “MILF” sort of thing but Indian aunties don’t exactly look like Bree or Gabrielle from “Desperate Housewives”…they look like Simi Garewal…and if there’s one thing that makes me want to vomit into my bowl of cornflakes…its the idea of Simi Garewal naked and peeing on anyone whomsoever….

if anyone can explain this strange cyber quest for “Desi Pissing Aunties” I would be most grateful. And in the mean time here’s a cringeworthy clip of Simi Garewal topless in the tastelessly pretentious 1972 flick “Siddhartha” where Shashi Kapoor seduces her by pointing at birds, praying to her, and pretending to french kiss her while striking temple sculpture poses as they attempt to disguise a very badly made soft porn sequence as some kind of aesthetic tribute to India’s “Rich” erotic cultural history….the only thing “rich” or “historical” about the clip is Simi Garewaal, who has managed to evolve from a dim witted Bollywood tartlet into an aging Anglophile troll, who insists on wearing white, singing her own talk show theme tune, and thinks that just because she has “propah” English diction and got some major personalities to shed tears on her show, they’ll forget she let Shashi Kapoor see her tits on camera. Now if he had PEED on her…perhaps we could have been spared the abomination that was her candles-and-flowers tribute to classist circle jerking….

I’ve been meaning to put these clips up for a while….so get out your barf bags…

Simi Garewal and Shashi Kapoor in 1972 “Siddartha”

Simi Garewal Singing her theme song to Rendezvous with Simi Garewal. “Speak to me so I can see (EAT) your Soul”