Finish Your Beer-There’s Sober Kids in India

finish-your-beer.jpg
image from gaijintonic.com

Vintage Phillips Radio Advertisement…

vintage-add.jpg

Vintage LOLLYWOOD babes jiggle their bits…

lollywood-dance.jpg
image from thehotspotonline.com

Its a lazy Saturday afternoon…and the perfect time to try out some cheap and sultry dance moves with these Lollywood sex kittens of yesteryear. Shaggadelic Baby Yeah….So lock your door, drink some caffiene or what have you, smoke some of dat wacky tobacky and let it all jiggle about like jello…what no one else can see can’t hurt them…and trust me…don’t knock it till you turn up the music and shake your badonkadonk batty… try out the tasteful tree seduction and the tummy collisions…

the owners of these clips on youtube don’t allow video embedding so click the links and go for it.

from the classic movie BAGHAWAT featuring the superb vocals of Madame Noor Jehan, the Melody Queen:

Queen of the “Killub” dance Chakori displays some deadly moves in this classic dance number from Jasoos:

Some more 70’s sex kittens heaving their chests, panting and doing Elvis the pelvis thrusts:

Happy Rakhi Sawant Guys…

rakhi.jpg

For some strange reason, Rakhi is one of the few festivals that I try not to dismiss off hand as being another opportunity for greeting card and cell phone companies to cash in on nauseating mass-sentimentalism. Like a vegetarian who eats a portion of fish once a year (for health reasons) I try to put aside my “bah-humbug” attitude for at least one incremental day of the year. Cuz in our extended little clan of bros…these guys are like characters that just popped out of strange chapters of dusty books and they are truly mad and like Kerouak:

The only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn, like fabulous yellow roman candles exploding like spiders across the stars and in the middle you see the blue centerlight pop and everybody goes “Awww!

and now for a gratuitous song and dance number…by the biggest rakhi one could hope to tie around a boy…. Rakhi Sawant. Dancing in a harem. Happy Rakhi guys. lol:

lol. I just found out a close friend of mine wants ME to be a rakhi “brother” and is going to tie a rakhi on me today. To make matters more interesting; my rakhi sister is a guy. That’s pretty cool. I always wanted to have a sister. Just never realized she was going to be a guy. lol. 🙂 click here for next year’s Rakhi post.

Vintage Lollywood Vampire poster copied from vintage Hollywood Dracula poster

Found each of these quite by accident and realized they match…

dracula-poster-2.jpgjaani-dushman-3.jpg
images from movieforum and thehotspotonline

Bollywood/Lollywood Vampires Then and Now (Zinda Laash-1967 and Khooni Dracula-1992)

Lollywood Dracula…ZINDA LAASH
zinda-lash-2.jpg
image from Zinda Laash

– This movie is only the second horror film (and first vampire film) to be made in Pakistan – “Lollywood’s”(the Pakistani film industry is based in the city of Lahore, therefor the name) own interpretation of Hammer ‘s classic Dracula – it even borrowed a bit of the 1957 Dracula’s musical score.
– The story more or less follows Bram Stoker ‘s novel – to underplay the supernatural and religious elements of Dracula’s identity, the vampire of “Zinda Laash” is given a mad scientist/Dr. Jekyll origin – and this is acknowledged in the film’s credits.
– The film was due to be banned outright (the government found it too “corruptive and evil”) until the producers pleaded with the local censors. The censors relented, but insisted that they would never allow a film of this nature to be released ever again! The movie opened on July 7th, 1967 to big crowds as curiosity levels had reached fever pitch as the film made history as the only local release to be awarded an “Adults Only” certificate. Quote from vampyres

Unfortunately the owner of the video doesn’t allow for embedding so you’ll have to click here and go to Youtube to check out the trailer. Trust me its a classic well worth watching.

And just by way of comparison to illustrate the fallen times of Desi Horror cinema, check out this trailer for an extremely low budget Bollywood film…Khooni Dracula…click and see it here. Its got a pretty catchy theme song….and if you click here you can see a clip from the movie where the monster gate crashes a party and starts dancing about….

khooni-dracula.jpg

Khooni Dracula is an utterly atrocious excuse of a movie that perfectly illustrates the level to which Bollywood Horror has plunged over the last decade or so. The movie’s production values are virtually nil with bit comedian Birbal being the only “star” name that anyone would have recognized – they couldn’t even afford an Anil Dhawan or a Navin Nischal or even a Deepak Parashar.To even attempt to explain the “plot” of this disaster of a movie is flattering it considerably, however for the record its basically about an evil fat uncle who rapes and then murders his maid having had a little too much to drink one dark stormy night. The blood that flows from the maids wounds somehow flows into the waiting mouth of Dracula who by coincidence is buried directly below her. This reawakens the ghastly rubber faced Dracula who proceeds to behave rather like a bottled genie in that he is now the slave of his murderous fat master. And so this heinous blimp sends his rubber-faced assassin to murder and rape upon his command. The film is basically a series of cheaply staged set pieces involving some dowdy women disrobing in order to have their beauty baths. Time and again some ugly, squat, plain Jane takes her clothes off – well almost as according to these movies, all desi women bathe with their clothes on – and the audience is treated to numerous shots of underwear and close ups of stretch marked bums and the like. Rubber face Dracula has a penchant for turning up when the nubile young things are disrobed and proceeds to feel them up heartily before plunging his rubber teeth into their leathery skin. (check out the rest of the review by Omar Khan at theHotspotOnline here)

Brownsploitation CATFIGHT! Vintage Bollywood beauties take out their claws…


“catbeast” film poster from thehotspotonline

Step aside…Tarantino…these kitties have claws…and though it may look like you’re time-warped into a blaxploitation flick…you have arrived at BROWNSPLOITATION numero uno in the truck-driver gormet cinematic crème de la crème of bad movies that feature the very best in Bollywood Bad Girls…so please to click and enjoy…catfight!

This catfight is from a Tamil Movie that uses Pink Floyd’s Dark Side of the Moon as a soundtrack to a fight sequence involving angry chicks in synthetic wigs, yellow bellbottoms and daisy dukes, bandit bandanas and a man in a cape and blue tights. They get to the part where the vocals are about to come in…rewind the tape…and play it again…

Mudfight with upskirt shots… from the C grade film Kamsin Haseena- 1992…death by arrow…too bad there’s no sound but definitely a brownsploitation worth a watch!

Buxom beauty in bellbottoms gives karate chops and kicks to evil femme girl with syringe in pink negligee…its from the Bollywood film Suraksha, 1979, …shaggadelic baby yeah…check out the heart-shaped chairs…film stars none other than Gun-master G-9 played by Mithun Chakraborthy (check out his disco dancing moves here) and the lovely Ranjeeta Kaur. Directed by Ravikant Nagaich

memsahib in her tacky blue underwear fights her psycho maidservant who is attacking her with a steak knife…by the end of it they’re wrestling in a bath tub and it looks more like the beginning “drama” sequence portion of one of those pirated “phoren” porn flicks that did the rounds in the 80’s like Debbie does Dallas. (if you look carefully you can see that the girls are giggling when they should be growling in the tub. ) From the D grade hindi movie Manovigyan –

Invasion of the Evil Twin Dacu Bitches…I think Tarantino needs to explore B-grade Bollywood bandit queen action…these chicks are straight out of Kill Bill…oh wait a minute…the stunt double is a man in a long wig…and the chick is actually not two but one person shot from two angles to make her appear like twins! (And that is one ugly man doing back-flips in a wig)

Ok and yes I may have gotten a little carried away doing searches so here are a few more clips for the super enthu:

This one is priceless…with plait pulling, scissor-locks-on-necks, ice-cream throwing antics…where Dimple Kapadia (Rani) plays a hooker who mistakes Menakshi Sheshadri (Julie) for a hooker encroaching on her territory…and decides to jump her- enjoy! Suraksha 1979 This is what your 20 year-old mom would look like in a catfight in 1965- the clip is from the film Himalay ki godh mein…check out how she beats the other girl’s head against the side of a dhol, squeeling…with Mala Sinha and Shashikala…Directed by Vijay Bhatt…and now here’s Hema Malini as Rajkumari Menakshi….doing some swashbuckling sword action in medieval costume in the film Kranti 1981 (year I was born) a period drama set in 1825 to 1875 AD…about the first revolutionaries battling the British…ok and now Hema Malini fights Sonia Sahni …. In red berets on a hill near a snake… no idea which film this is…ok and now some more vintage bollywood beauties in cone-shaped bras fighting over a man with a whistle whose dhoti gets ripped off….clip from Neel Kamal, 1968 directed by Ram Maheshwari ….another Catfight in Ahankar 1991 Bengali film by Shrikant Guha-Thakurta…..and here’s a Catfight between Zeenat Aman & Faryal from bollywood film Manoranjan 1974….boring but with zabardast and karadh slaps…and here’s a Catfight between Hemamalini & Bindu from Joshila 1973 directed by Yash Chopra…ok and this is a Catfight fight between Radhika and Silk Smita from Tamil movie Moondru Mugam…here’s a Random Cat-fight rolling down the mountain from and unknown film….and this one’s From 1975 Bollywood film Ponga Pundit…skip to the bit where the girls slap each other around in the pool…this Catfight is from Bollywood movie Daku Mangal Singh between 2 unknown actress….and another random Catfight from a southindian movie…and finally…more catfighting: bandit chicks in black do back-flips in Nepali film Basanti, 2000.

Ok so if you actually watched ALL of those clips then you are either a) truly bored, b) scrounging for material for your own blog, c) writing an academic essay on scopophilia and the male gaze in Indian cinema in which case I would “kindly ask you to see yourself to the door” and get a life or d) horny in a way which makes me wonder why you aren’t just looking for normal internet porn….

At which point my better half taps me on the shoulder, and says “Because guys think its hot- watching chicks fight.” He smiles knowingly at me, shrugs and walks away, pleased with himself as if he has illuminated my world with insight… “Excuse me? Eh?” …Please to explain? What is it about two girls punching each other that conjures up images of lesbian action? And what is it about lesbian action that guys find so compelling? I’m not sure I’ve met many straight girls who get off on watching gay porn…so…anyway… some mysteries are perhaps better left unsolved…


image from crossfire