Babies are Evil

image from funnyjunk

Please tell me why does no one seem to notice this fact? They come out of a person’s stomach for god sakes! Two other things do that: 1)vomit 2) feces. They are little flesh monsters covered in slime that obviously have powers of mind control- hence all adults look at these tiny slobber demons and coo at them as if they are looking at a cute fuzzy kitten. But kittens are very different from babies. Kittens are fluffy and make cute mewing noises when they are sad and grow quickly into adult cats and then they clean up their own mess, are capable of foraging for food by themselves and do not require huge amounts of money to be spent on their college educations, weddings, divorces, and funerals. What people fail to seem to remember is that babies are babies for only a few years and then they become just as repulsive as the rest of the human race. Babies are just small adults who are plotting…waiting…waiting…biding their time till they can get their hands on a nice pick axe. Which makes them even more eerie…because they are unmanifested evil…evil in poopy diapers…and they wait and watch…

Evil Stewie…the baby from the Family Guy plotting his escape from the womb:


Evil Stewie plots revenge:

Some gratuitous dead baby jokes. (warning: in very poor taste):

Q: What is brown and keeps it’s juices in?
A: A baby in an oven bag.

Q: What is black, white, and red all over?
A: A zombie baby eating a nun.

Q: What is blue and knocks on glass?
A: A baby in a fishtank.

Q: How many dead babies does it take to make a bottle of baby oil?
A: It depends on how hard you squeeze them.

Q: What’s funnier than a dead baby?
A: A dead baby in a clown costume!

Q: How many babies does it take to paint a house?
A: Depends how hard you throw them.

Q: What do you call a dead baby with no arms and no legs hanging on your wall?
A: Art.

Q: What’s red, sits in the front of mirror, and gets smaller and smaller?
A: A baby combing it’s hair with a potato peeler.

Q: Why is it so groovy to be a test tube baby?
A: Because you get a womb with a view.

Q: How many dead babies does it take to change a light bulb?
A: As many as it takes to make a pile high enough to reach the light bulb with.

Q: How do you stop a baby from looking up at you with that cute little baby face and gurgling happily with that little baby mouth and waving at you with those little baby fingers and little baby toes?
A: Gouge its eyes out.

Q: What is worse than smoking pot with a baby?
A: Making a bong out of it.

Q: What is the difference between a dead baby and an onion.
A: You don’t cry when you chop up a dead baby.

Q: What do you get when you put a dead baby in a blender?
A: Hold on. I’ll tell you in a second.

jokes from jokehell

listen carefully to this brainwashed mother as she coos at this baby who laughs like satan. Can she NOT hear the dark lord within!?

lol. baby suit.


1 Comment

  1. MY GOD!! you are demented and sick thats wrong

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