SPIDER MAN 3: What happened? And when will Bollywood do a Remake?


Can someone please explain to me what happened to the 258 million dollars that went into making Spider Man 3? Apparently they didn’t bother to pay the writers…perhaps Kirsten Dunst wrote the screenplay? I don’t know. The villains lacked any sort of evil convinction….there was no mad maniacal grin from Willem Dafoe’s creased and weathered face…instead we had a beefcake and that kid from “that 70’s show”..where was the motivation?

I had a hard time convincing myself to be scared of a pile of blowing dust…or a rabid piece of licorice with sharp teeth that just…uh…inexplicably fell from the sky in a meteor..and gets pissed off because some pathetic piece of blond skirt dumps his dweeby ass….and what is the motivation for dust bunny? He needs money for his daughters sickness (what was wrong with her anyway?)….so he goes around blowing enormous dust farts at cops and bats his blue eyes at spidey….they have such an emotional scene in the end I thought they were going to embrace and discover they were long lost brothers who were separated in the Kumbh Mela… who have the same hereditary tatoos on their butt cheeks that spell…..”madar…chodh….” And why was Tobey Maguire trying to dance like Govinda with an adolf haircut and eyeliner? Can someone please explain? I mean how does someone manage to screw up a film about spiderman?….

Well, considering the overwhelming success of this incredibly mediocre film…which is now being dubbed and screened in Punjabi, Hindi, Marathi, and probably more Indian dialects than Titanic ever was…. I wont be surprised if a Bollywood version of Spiderman comes out in a little while…with Hritik Roshan as Pavitr Prabhakar, the Desi Peter Parker of the new line of Gotham Comics books being designed in India…where Spidey wears a dhoti-kurta costume and gets his powers from a mystical yogi…

“As Spider-Man, Pavitr leaps around rickshaws and scooters in Indian streets, while swinging from monuments such as the Gateway of India and the Taj Mahal.Mumbai’s (Bombay’s) first web-swinging Super Hero will be joined by a reinterpretation of the classic Spider-Man villain, the Green Goblin — reinvented as a Rakshasa, an Indian mythological demon.” from gotham comics press release


image from newmoanyeah

Anyway I’m holding out for the Bollywood version because once again it seems that huge amounts of cash manage to completely ruin a classic comic story-line. And it seems as if the stars were just getting bored and more ugly if at all possible…At least when Hritik Roshan has an emotional scene I don’t feel like throwing up. He’s like the Forrest Gump of Super heros in Krish….

tobey-m.jpg vs. hritik.jpg
images from lakeshoredrivein and mmail.com

and I guess it is interesting that Bollywood always adds a theological touch to its sci fi and action hero types…..so if Krish is a metaphor for Krishna….with Hritik playing his little flute….then Spiderman is going to be a metaphor for……Ganesh? So how will that work? Hritik will wear a fat suit and shoot ladhus out of his trunk at rakshashas? anyway…I’d see that film..

image from Diane Duane



  1. hey very sadly i just came across this post. have to say it’s pretty hilarious. spiderman 3 was by far one of the most mediocre films ever made. i was praying for aunt may to do a topher-grace and become one of the arch villains, and for tobey to trip over his pseudo-jive-talking-dancing feet.

  2. I’m sorry you had to endure the film. I wish I could have saved you the trouble. Aunt May would have at least made a more frightening villain than mr. Jail-break dust bunny. Meanwhile it worries me that When Tobey imagines himself invested with the darker powers (read excess testosterone) he thinks of greasy hair and swing dancing! I just kept hearing the name “Rumplestiltskin” in my head. He should have invested in a pair of platform shoes and a bottle of shampoo.

  3. Spiderman remake in Malayalam will be a sure shot superhit with the superhit action hero doing the lead role.

    Suresh Gopi’s only worry is if people will recognize him with that mask and spiderman dress.

    More Details @ http://www.simplymalayalees.com/forum_posts.asp?TID=344&PID=693#693

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