“Snakesploitation”: Snakes on a Plane…in my brain…in my nose…whatever…

For some reason I have snakes on the brain lately…so here’s what I dug out of some cyber snake holes:
two-headed-snake.jpg
Oh look…the only two headed albino rat snake known to man…from theAge
Everyone’s been going on and on about what a BIG deal it is for this baby to be playing with a cobra…everywhere I look this clip is posted. “Ohhhh”…concerned parents of the west, sigh… “is THAT how they raise their kids in the far east…no wonder they turn into terrorists”….and then there follows the defensive desi cultural explanations about how Indians see snakes as sacred beasts like cows and some other bollocks that they probably made up to sound culturally sophisticated and steeped in tradition…when in fact its just some bored parents in a village trying to entertain their wee boy while filming him playing with this harassed serpent…probably drugged and defanged put at the mercy of some indulged little tyrant at the top of the food chain. And what about this baby? He’s going to have some serious Freudian issues later on…anyways…here it is:

The only snakes I really like watching are ones that either a) wear silver costumes and know how to belly dance or b) swallow Paris Hilton’s dog alive…which brings me to my next violent and worryingly gratifying clip from one of my all time favorite films “Snakes on a Plane”…which shows some of the most deliciously disgusting snake attacks in the film including the one where the guy is peeing in the restroom and the snake slithers out of the toilet mid-stream and…anyway my only regret is that the snakes never do eat that baby. THAT would have made it the best film ever.

See a Pakistani guy puts a snake up his nose…and it comes out of his mouth…ugh. I feel bad for the snake…who wants to slither through someone’s nasal passage? Click here

And this one is from the film Naag Shakti…animated snake with woman’s head licks some green dude’s face with her forked tongue. I haven’t seen this film but it looks just bad enough to be worth it. Anyway, Click here.

And here’s an article on a snake that was discovered in Orissa which turns out not to be a snake at all…but a new species of Limbless Lizard …lizard_snake-2.jpgread the article at weird India:

And speaking of Snakes and Lizards…

“A monster of energy…It’s a monster”
“Kiss the snake on the tongue…kiss the serpent”
“But if it senses fear, it’ll eat us instantly”
“But if we kiss it without fear, it’ll take us through the garden, through the gate to the other side”
“Ride the snake until the end of time”
“I think I’m fucked up man, I’m not thinking right”
“Look at your eyes man…you’re death.”
“I’m afraid of my father…I can’t be what they want me to be.”
“Maybe you should kill your father.”

Quotes from the film, The Doors, by Oliver Stone, which I was completely obsessed with when I was fourteen…only to grow up and feel vaguely embarrassed when watching Stone’s “Alexander” and realizing that his metaphors for snakes, mothers, fathers, and women in general are under arrested development in an Oedipal reading that Freud would only have been able to respond to by shaking his head, patting Oliver on the head and saying “sometimes a snake is just a snake, kiddo.”

I wonder if Morrison ever did manage to kiss a live snake and not an imaginary metaphorical one brought on by mixing hundreds of psychotropic chemicals, loud music and orgies with wiccans. Anyway, here’s a Kerela Snake Charmer who kisses his cobra. Click it:

Trust in me…This was one of the few Disney cartoons snake-jungle-book.jpgthat I had my grubby little meathooks on when Doordharshan was the only channel and the “Mickey and Donny” show were the only alternatives… Here’s “Ka’s” hypnotic song from The Jungle Book”

And oh look…A boy and his snake…its the real kid from the jungle book except with a domesticated “Ka” python…massive creature who looks about as cuddly as a koala bear…except its big enough to eat several koala bears at once…and this Indian kid actually “rides the snake”…but I never thought snake cuddles could be so appealing. Actually I might go out and buy me one of those…cho chweet!

Ok ok. Enough snakes.

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